This dress was meant to end up on your floor
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
