Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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