Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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