You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
