I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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