I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
