Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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