Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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