John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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