we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
