My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
