i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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