Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
