do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
