This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
