ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There's always time for handjobs
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
