I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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