the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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