Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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