It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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