a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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