i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
