i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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