I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We named our party play list daddy issues
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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