who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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