my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
