It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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