My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
In other news, I just burned my penis
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He shit in the fireplace
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize