shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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