really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
