Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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