I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
