god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i walk over a car last night?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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