Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Randomize
