You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I am mentally ready for anal.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
