Barsexuality is the new black.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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