i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
