Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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