Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
