Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
