Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
