Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
