just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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