I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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