I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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