there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
