Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
