I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
