I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
