It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
