I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
