He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
