i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
