I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
only if we run a train.
done.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
