I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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