i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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