Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Banned from zoo.
Again?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
