She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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