so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
