3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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