I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
