you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
