im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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