I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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