I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
