Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
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She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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