The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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