last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
