I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
