I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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