I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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