It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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