remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
