splinters make it hard to masturbate
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.