why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
