Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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