Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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